A diamond's worth should be based on the amount of laborers killed while mining it.

Carats, clarity and brilliance are soooo last year. Not to mention the fact that diamonds are already priced based on a manufactured shortage, driven up in "worth" by South African conglomerates and expatriate fat cats who sleep on piles of money while being fanned with palm fonds held by Iman lookalikes. That's just not gonna cut it anymore.

When I roll into the club with two grapefruit sized stones in my ears and a 12 pound necklace with a falcon-shaped pendant blinding every fool that looks my way, I wanna know that my bling is REALLY worth something. And what's worth more than the lives of mine-working children? You guessed it: nothing.

"Damn brothah, that watch is off the hook! I can't believe you can even lift your arm."
"No doubt. This muthafucka comes from the biggest labor camp in the Congo. I'm wearing 15 unfortunate bitches on my wrist right now. You know how I do it!!!"

It's high time the marketing teams at the diamond corporations got on the ball.
"This year, show her you'd marry her all over again. The Diamond Anniverary Pendant from Debeers. The name you trust. The quality you count on. The souls of dead workers in every stone.

A diamond is forever."